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Revenge of the (Possibly) Dirty Movie

So, there I was, in my furnace room, poking around for the valve to turn on the spigot on the north side of the house, when all of a sudden, I see something up in the rafters.

Now I'm a short lad, so I go and retrieve our trusty Ikea stepstool, and get on up there to take a look.

Pictured above is what I found. A Fuji VCR tape. With only two markings on it. A 'P' written in green Sharpie® on the outer jacket, and a sticker 'P' on the edge of the tape itself.

Delighted with my find, I brang it up to my wife, wagging my non-existant dog tail in pride.

She looks unimpressed, and after I explained where I found it, she said "So it's probably porn then?".

This was hardly the welcome I had expected. Especially given that the occupant before us was an unmarried woman, it seems that I had unearthed treasure that, from the date of manufacture, might have gone undiscovered for 3-4 years!

Clearly my wife didn't appreciate the infinite wonder of which wild speculation on what might be contained on the tape might generate.

But then, after a bit of thinking, it came to me, that no matter what was on the tape, it couldn't be good. Different shades of variously terrible content was really the only result possible.

The best I could come up with, is that perhaps the ghost of someone good and nice who died under extremely amiable circumstances had decided that he or she should give something back to the mortals of the world, and left behind a tape, bestowed with the magical power to grant a boon to any who watch it.

That, or video treasure map.

Amongst the brainstorming of the least terrible and likely option I could come up with was "pirated copy of Flashdance". Indeed, that wouldn't be too bad. I could then just tape over that!

And, of the most likely options, they mostly involved, as my wife had predicted, varying degrees of filthy movies. At one point I wondered if it might not be the sort of "really bad" dirty movie that people got sent to jail for and got put on lists for the rest of their lives. I even considered just burning the tape outright right there, to avoid any such situation.

But, for the time being, to enhance the drama and to artificially extend this subject matter to two posts, I have refrained from the viewing the said tape, so that you too may delight in guessing what form the series of coherent images on it might form.

And, if anyone would like to place bets, "Gay Porn" is currently paying 2:1.


I think you have made a dangerous assumption in regards to the coherency of the images on the tape..thus my money is on the tape containing a series of incoherent images.
by: Gabe (contact) - 23 Jul '05 - 05:52
Just to cover my ass, so to speak, I'm going to ammend my wager to "a series of incoherent images that if I were forced to venture a guess as to their meaning I would most likely suggest that they constituted some time of gay ####"...
by: Gabe (contact) - 23 Jul '05 - 05:54
Could it be video evidence of some sort of horrific crime, perhaps the too friendly neighbor digging a shallow grave for his X. Or maybe images from a fantasy party where portly girlfriends experiment with the oversized artificial members, naw, ain't that good, if it is, you could sell it and pay for that damb fence!
by: Uncle Jim again! (contact) - 06 Jan '06 - 16:48


Meta Information:

Title: Revenge of the (Possibly) Dirty Movie
Date posted: 18 Jul '05 - 12:25
Filed under: General
Word Count: 455 words
Good Karma: 137 (vote)
Bad Karma: 99 (vote)
Next entry:  Rated R, for Redundant
Previous entry:  p0wned